“Mobile phones make you closer to people far from you but takes you away from the ones sitting next to you.”
The most prevalent addiction in society today is the phone. This modern and recent dependence spans all ages, races, genders, socioeconomic strata and cultures. We are all totally hooked and almost no one is free of this dependance. It is a part of our modern life and an essential part of our daily existence.
The phone is now your:
· alarm clock
· calendar
· telephone
· music
· navigation
· book and
· TV
It is how we work.
It is how we play.
It is where we order food, groceries, and essentials.
It is how we find our way.
It is how we communicate, see the world and find out anything we need to know.
It is almost always on us and always on!
This is a sensitive topic for a few reasons. I don’t want to be too preachy and make you feel bad for using something that is essential in modern life. Most people aren’t even aware that this is an addiction that plagues them and don’t want to hear about it being a problem. But it is so serious a problem to ignore and needs to be discussed and addressed by most of us. I am guilty too, but I am trying really hard to set limits.
“We are kept from our goal not by obstacles but by a clear path to a lesser goal.” ~Robert Brault
The constant phone use is that clear path to lesser goals that is keeping you from your true BIG life goals. It is distracting you from getting to your destination. The phone is muffling that still small voice inside.
At home sometimes, I walk into the living room and see my teenage boys scrolling through TikTok and YouTube shorts on their phones, my 7 year old playing his soccer games on his iPad, my 5 year old watching YouTube Kids and my wife on her phone scrolling through TikTok or watching Joe Rogan. It is as though they are all connected through these devices, but yet totally disconnected and unaware of each other. Our 3 year old, Gloria and I often look at each other in connection knowing we are present while they are not.
“Mobile phones make you closer to people far from you but takes you away from the ones sitting next to you.”
We were at Sunday brunch at the local bar and grill down the street for their buffet last year. As a family of 7, we don’t eat out a lot because we are rambunctious, on different schedules and its expensive. Buffets are great because everyone gets what they want and we don’t have to wait long, preventing us from disturbing other diners.
At the table next to us at brunch was a mom, dad and roughly 8 or 9 years old daughter. All through the meal, even while eating, the three of them stared at their phones without looking up and without looking at each other. I don’t even think I heard them say a single word to each other. Sunday brunch, a great time to connect with family, have some fun on a relaxed Sunday morning and get ready for the week to come. How sad, they wasted that whole meal together being totally distracted in phoneland.
Silvia Arevalo-Gonzalez Posted on Pinterest,
“Your cell phone has already replaced your calendar, your camera, your alarm clock, don’t let it replace your family.”
That brunch observation was not isolated. Almost anytime I go out to eat, I see people staring at the phone and not the person they are dining with. When Lyndsy and I go out, I always see couples out to dinner staring at the phones and not each other.
About 10 years ago, it was Father’s Day and the same thing was happening at the table next to us. A normal looking family of 4, one boy, one girl and 2 parents were out for Father’s Day lunch together. Both parents on the phone and the kids both on iPads. I think it was the first time I saw that and it was jarring back then. Now it is just the norm.
Is it sticking an iPad in front of our kids easier than dealing with whiney kids who are twisting in their seats? Heck yeah it is!! I have 5 kids and occupying them at a busy restaurant is harder than waiting tables.
In college, I waited a lot of tables and it is one of the hardest jobs I ever had. In fact, waiting tables taught me more about working hard than being a big firm lawyer or an entrepreneur because to earn a tip, hungry people need their food now and angry overwhelmed chefs have no patience. But parenting is harder.
Being present with those we love is not always easy. Zoning out is easy but just a horrible distraction from those we love. We are losing out on the connections that matter to stay connected to the irrelevant.
Lyndsy and I made a rule a long time ago, “no phones when eating together.” Even my 14 year old who watches a lot of YouTube shorts, will put it away immediately without argument when we remind him of this simple family rule.
As a society, we are so distracted with all the apps, social media, texts, reminders and notifications on our phone that we are getting very far removed from ourselves and our families.
When researching phone distraction for my book Light in the Mirror, I came across this, which really struck a cord.
Your cell phone won’t feel bad if you don’t pay attention to it.
It won’t care if you haven’t played with it in a while.
It won’t mind if you don’t hold it.
Your cell phone will be small forever… your children will not.
~Kim Uliana (Children’s book author and illustrator)
Here is my impassioned plea:
For the sake of our loved ones, our children, our friends and our partners, put down the damn phone!!!
Even for a few minutes, try to be fully present. As Ram Dass famously said well before smartphones, “Be Here Now.” Life is passing us by while we spend countless hours on these stupid devices that we call smartphones.
It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I use my phone plenty. I run 2 businesses using my phone, I text, call and use tons of apps for everything. But it is a tool, not a part of us. My 7 year old is on his iPad constantly, but he knows that he can’t be on it in the morning before school, so he can orient his day. Set some boundaries for yourself and your loved ones to be present.
The phone is not an appendage. You will not die without it for an hour. When it is not on us, we feel like we are missing something. Like our arm is missing. We feel our pockets wondering where it is. We look around, wondering “where’s my phone.”
Use your phone to get off your phone.
Use your phone to set downtime from your phone.
Use your phone to schedule that first hour of your morning and last hour before bed for yourself without your phone.
Use your phone to listen to music while you work out or meditate but keep yourself from looking at anything else.
Use your phone to block quality time in your schedule for yourself or your family and then put the phone on a charger and walk away.
Your feeds and texts with others will still be there later, but the person in front of you may not.
There is a ton of research available on phone addiction and what it is doing to our relationships, our children and our brains. But I am not an expert in this field and I do not intend to become one. I am deeply concerned though about what this distraction is doing to our brains and our relationships.
What I do know is that once I became aware of my phone addiction, I made a conscious effort to create boundaries or guardrails so I don’t get too distracted from my true goals. The first hour in the morning and last hour of the day has been a great way to disconnect from the phone and connect to myself, my goals, my health and my aspirations.
Another helpful practice has been to put the phone on a charger when I am done with work and walk away, so I can be fully present with my kids. I am done with work, so there should be no calls, texts or emails that require my immediate attention. Try not to say, “I just have to check this one thing” and then get sucked away from what is in front of you.
Different boundaries will work for different folks, so find what works for you, but spend some time without looking at the phone. It can still be there for emergencies, but don’t look at it. It is freeing.
Please put down the phone. It is not you. It is not your natural state.
Your true self is the state of love found only in the present moment. Loving those we are with. Transmitting love to others, to ourselves.
The phones are a distraction from what is always here. A distraction from yourself. The phone makes your chest tight with anxiety. Love and your breath never go anywhere, they are always there. They are always there for you to feel joy and bliss. The phone takes you away from that state.
There is a great Zig Ziglar quote I discuss in my book,
“Your input determines your outlook. Your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future.”
If you want to have a glorious future and live the life you see in your mind, that you have always dreamt about, then try putting down the phone for a while.
Your vision of your glorious life, of your best self, is likely not seeing yourself neck bent looking down at 3”x6” glass and metal rectangle.
You see yourself doing amazing things that you love doing.
You see yourself with people you love.
You see yourself going to new heights you know you can climb.
You see yourself helping others and making a real difference in the world.
Think about what input you are receiving. Input, means just as it says, “put in.”
What are you putting into your brain?
What are you consuming on your phone?
Is it quality content or are you just observing and interacting with the lives of others?
They now call all that information you consume on platforms, your feed. The output you get from algorithms is your feed. Feed is what we give livestock. Feed is what we give horses and pigs.
You are a human and do not need phone “feed”.
You need healthy food, love and true connection with others.
What are you feeding yourself and your brain?
Are you creating your future by being on your phone or just reacting to others, reacting to what you see on your feed?
You are the master of your day, not the servant to endless communications and messages of others. If you want to live more fully, create your own inputs. Consider being proactive and change those inputs.
Do those things that allow you to be that amazing person you see in your mind.
Put down the phone for a while and be a force for great good in this world.
Your future self thanks you.
Those who love you thank you.
The world that needs you present thanks you.
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