Return to your Natural State Part 4: No Numbing Necessary
“I’m very serious about no alcohol, no drugs. Life is too beautiful.” Jim Carrey
Jim Carrey is absolutely hilarious and Ace Ventura Pet Detective is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. I still quote it regularly. While Carrey is hilarious, he is serious about a life with no alcohol or drugs, because he endured a lot of tragedy from drugs and alcohol.
Like the phone and negative news, alcohol and drugs take us from our natural state and from being who we are meant to be. In addition to the other distractions that take us from our true selves, dampen our vision and distort our view of the world, alcohol and drugs ruin lives. From Hollywood celebrities to the homeless heroin addict. From Presidents’ kids to your best friend. No one is spared and we are all impacted by alcoholism, drug abuse and the opioid epidemic. From beer to weed and from prescription pain killers to fentanyl, it’s all everywhere destroying our society and killing our loved ones.
Unlike the phone and negative news, it is probably not necessary to describe the damaging impact alcohol and drugs have on our brains, our health, our relationships, and our dreams. We all know that. We see the damaging effect on people of all ages and we educate our kids to stay away until they are mature enough to handle it. But our society is so filled with alcohol and drugs that it is tough to steer ourselves and others toward a life without them.
Everywhere we go, people ask if we want a drink. So many activities are based on alcohol. People ask us to meet for a drink or go to a “happy” hour. Sports and concerts are sponsored and dominated by alcohol. Every conference I go to has a bar open at the end of the day. We are trained to think we can’t enjoy a game, a show or a conference without drinking. I feel guilty if someone comes over and I don’t offer alcohol among the drink choices.
This discussion is purely to examine the return to our natural state of love and bliss and how alcohol and drugs take us from our natural state. There is no judgement here, as adults consuming in moderation is a determination that tons of people responsibly make every day. The fact remains however that alcohol and drugs in any amount take us from our natural state of true love whether from a light buzz or blackout drunk. Dependance is a fine line that gets crossed regularly even when we don’t see it or don’t think it’s a problem.
I was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. My friends always drank far more than I did. I have never been a huge drinker but always consumed a moderate amount of alcohol. Cannabis was the vice that I used more consistently to numb myself from pain and stress. Like lots of folks, it started recreationally in college and quickly became a part of my social identity. Friends and I spent a lot of time smoking weed and hanging out. This is not to say that I appeared as a stoner just sitting around smoking weed. I worked at Congress, was President of my law school class and was always in a suit, so I appeared responsible, but was not.
Alcohol and drugs are a part of our culture and evolves from youth into an adult social activity and stress reliever. But let’s be real, for me and lots of people, it’s an addiction.
Even as a lawyer, business owner and parent, as soon as I finished work or on the weekend, I went straight for a joint, gummies or vape pen, just as many people crack open a beer, pour a glass of wine or some whiskey over ice. Once my mind was not engaged at work, I would turn it off and tune out. Why? I don’t exactly know. But since I stopped completely two years ago, I am happier, more productive, healthier, and more loving than I have ever been. I no longer dampen the light from within and I consistently see the light in the mirror.
Surprisingly, I am also far less stressed without the so called stress reducers.
I had a great life and plenty to be happy about, although as we all do, a lot underneath that needed to be addressed. We have just culturally accepted that once work is done, it’s time for “happy hour.”
But are we happy when we dampen our true selves, our aspirations and our true feelings without addressing them?
Does numbing ourselves really make us “happy”?
A buzz makes us feel good temporarily but it’s not real happiness. In fact, after the buzz wears off, we typically feel slower and far worse with headaches and hangovers. Plus those underlying stressors did not disappear so are compounded.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Sadly, it is cultural and habitual.
Indian sage Maraprabhuji states in Golden Teachings.
“Do not allow bad habits to form which will be hard to give up and which may destroy your life. Cultivate good habits which will be helpful all life long. Avoid toxic substances such as tobacco, alcohol and drugs. These only invite illness and death into your house.”
Do you know someone who has died from alcoholism, a drug overdose or fatal accident caused by driving under their influence? Most of us do. So many of us today have tragically lost friends, family and loves ones to drugs and alcohol. No one is safe, this wildfire rages through all communities, all races, all ages and all socioeconomic areas.
My childhood friend Chris grew up across the street and actually drank himself to death by his mid 40s, succumbing to liver failure. But you don’t have to be a lifelong alcoholic drinking yourself to death over decades to die from alcohol.
One of my closest teenage friends Lee Murray died at 15 in a car crash when the 16 year old driver who had just one beer flipped a car. Lee was a golden boy, an eagle scout, alter boy at church, an athlete and all American good kid with a warm heart and an infectious smile. Lee was part of an amazing faithful, kind and gracious family.
Lee’s death was such a vivid and tragic memory, a bunch of loving good teenagers singing songs in a circle around his grave after the funeral. What a waste of a wonderful person. Who knows what Lee would have contributed to this world. The world needs more teenagers like Lee and the man he would have become would have been extraordinary. So many children have gone without their parents and parents have gone without their children due to drugs and alcohol.
Six years ago on a cold January morning at a cemetery in Maryland, we listened to my college roommate’s 11 year old son read his eulogy to his father. Adam died at 42 from an overdose on prescription pain killers prescribed for a recent back surgery. To be fair, it wasn’t just an unforeseen pain killer addiction that took Adam from us. Adam always went hard when it came to drugs, alcohol and food. But Adam was an incredibly talented computer programmer and system designer, developing complex systems for the US Military. He had a brilliant mind and a big heart.
We all have tragic stories about friends, neighbors and loved ones lost to drugs and alcohol. So many of the worlds most talented people have left us and deprived the world of their gifts. Michael Jackson, Elvis Presley, Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston, Prince and even a counselor at my summer camp turned famous comedian, Chris Farley. In the prime of life, their demons, the stress and demands of their careers and personal life was too much, so they escaped it and numbed the pain with alcohol, drugs and pain killers. We still sing their songs and watch their performances. But how many more songs and stories were lost with them?
Not all addiction ends in tragedy, many folks just like you are able to get off the sauce and then sky rocket their lives to be the true self they were suppressing with substances. My best friend in college, Patrick, did great in law school and got a coveted job with a big law firm in Los Angeles. Patrick was a big drinker in college and after. As the stress of law firm life and the demands of producing as a young lawyer mounted, Patrick turned from social drinking to constantly drinking. He told me that it got so bad that he would often drink in the morning and keep a bottle in his desk drawer and drink throughout the day at work.
Patrick was in a downward spiral and spinning out of control. I would get completely incoherent phone calls from him at all hours which would range from despondent to ecstatic. Obviously, I talked to him about getting help, as many friends did. Patrick finally did get help and went to the Hazelden Betty Ford Institute in Minnesota. Patrick’s recovery was so successful that he was thriving and loving living as his true self, so he went back and received his master’s degree in Addiction Counseling from the Hazelden Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies.
Today, Patrick is the leading global authority on addiction, mental health, and well-being in the legal profession and serves as a trusted advisor to large law firms and corporate legal departments throughout the world. From young associates to sitting judges, Patrick has transformed the lives of lawyers stuck in the cycle of addiction caused by this demanding and stressful profession. He regularly appears on top media outlets and is often quoted in papers like the New York Times and Wall Street Journal. Patrick listened to the voice within and has been thriving for decades as his true self. Patrick’s amazing success and his transition from suffering from addiction to transforming lives is a true inspiration.
It has been two years since I cut alcohol and cannabis out of my life completely and I feel amazing. The best I have ever felt in my adult life.
I feel better, younger and stronger at 50 than I did at 20 or 30. There is no alcohol or weed to slow me down. My mind is clearer than ever.
I am in the best shape of my life and I am sticking to my daily habits with greater consistency and no excuses. I am more focused when I am with my wife and kids and my vision for the future is clear as I take action each day to become my future self. You too can have this if you get off the sauce.
After two years, I feel no temptation to even have a sip, a puff or a gummy. In fact, quite the opposite. The thought of ingesting something to alter my state of bliss is unsettling. I recall that feeling of having a buzz and I don’t crave it at all, as it seems unpleasant. After years of meditation, journaling and dealing with my internal conflicts, I have little left to numb or run away from. Not that I do not have worldly challenges to address, but the temptation is no longer there to run from them.
Alcohol and drugs are a clear distraction from your goals and a distraction from living your best life. If you have laser like focus on achieving your dreams, remove those distractions that slow you down from getting to your destination. They may keep you from ever even getting there, or even getting started on your real journey.
Most people spend more on alcohol or drugs each year than on books and personal growth.
We spend more time consuming entertainment, watching silly video shorts and news than we do consuming positive content that helps us to see where we must go and how to improve ourselves, our families and our world.
Pour good stuff into your mind, not stuff that distorts your perception.
When we feel stressed out, or we feel overwhelmed or we just want to chill at the end of a long week, that is the time to pour something positive into our minds instead of pouring a glass of wine, cracking open a beer or puffing a joint. The positive audiobook or positive music you love will lift you up far more than the alcohol or weed that takes you away from that which weighs you down. Hit it head on, say I don’t feel great. I want to feel good and I am going to do something positive for myself and make myself feel better.
Your life is too glorious to numb with substances that take you away from your true self. See the light in the mirror, bask in that love and then spread that light out into the world. Don’t dampen that light with alcohol and drugs. Be alive in your body and clear in your vision. The world needs you and your best and we need you now.
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