“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~ Wayne Dyer
What do you see when you first look in the mirror?
Sometimes this is just a brief glance where you recognize yourself in the mirror, start to wake up and quickly brush your teeth. Some mornings, you pause and see the superfluous; a pimple, a wrinkle or in my case, a face covered in hair that causes me to think I am the missing link descended from yetis.
It is mundane and automatic. Since you were a toddler, it has been a part of your daily routine.
It seems like looking in the mirror shouldn’t require much thought. But that moment, that first glance, when you first lock eyes with yourself can be profound and impact the entire course of your day and influence all the other lives you interact with each day.
Some days it is deeper than that. You pause a little longer and you see your past, or your future. We see joy, regret, excitement or sadness as we look at ourselves.
Some days we look at ourselves in the mirror with disgust and wish we could take back something we said. Some days, we are excited about a meeting, a date or a presentation, so with confidence and a lifted chin, we look in the mirror and rehearse what we are going to say.
Beyond what you see in the mirror, who do you see in the mirror?
Forget the flaws and imperfections, we all have them, some of us more than others. I am balding, half grey, wrinkles multiplying and one eye lid droops. Each day you grow older and wiser, there will be more wrinkles, scars and greys adding to your story caused by laughs, smiles, adventures and injuries that brought you to today.
So looking in the mirror, do you see a person you love, despise or are indifferent to?
Do you see your past self as you once were, your present self as you appear today or do you see your future self, as you strive to be the person you know you are meant to be?
Who is this person looking at you?
What you think you see in the mirror or your current perception of yourself is not who you are, rather it is the result of emotions felt and the influence of inputs received the day before. As Richard Bach, the best-selling author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull said, “Look in a mirror and one thing’s sure; what we see is not who we are.”
Chris’s Eyes
Growing up, my friend Chris lived across the street form us. He was an only child and quickly became an honorary part of our family. I was pretty innocent as the baby of the family and Chris was the older friend who showed me the ways of the world. He had a bad streak that often got him in trouble. Chris was getting to be a handful for his parents as a young teen and at 15 flipped his mom’s shiny red BMW. He was not hurt, but this was a big shock.
Despite lots of missteps, Chris ended up finishing high school and went to the University of Alabama. While at Bama, Chris got shot outside of a convenience store late one night and was rushed to the hospital with a wound to the torso. Luckily, Chris lived to tell the tale and made a full recovery.
While I do not know the whole story, I always assumed that Chris was doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. Chris was always happy go lucky, fun and had tons of great stories of his adventures. Chris was hilarious and we laughed endlessly, although I often noticed his bloodshot eyes filled with love and pain at the same time.
Like a family member, we loved Chris unconditionally despite his constant self-sabotaging. As an adult, Chris had a string of jobs that never went anywhere and his personal life was a mess. Chris continued to drink a lot and hurt himself. Chris retained his charming and engaging personality, but just couldn’t keep the demons at bay. Sadly, Chris passed away in his mid 40s from liver failure leaving his kids behind.
When I was 26, it was my first year of law school and I was studying hard but also having fun with friends. One night, I vividly remember walking into the bathroom a little buzzed, looking in the mirror and seeing Chris’s red bloodshot eyes looking back at me.
Why did I see Chris’s eyes in the mirror? This was when Chris was very much alive and had not suffered the adult tragedies that plagued him later in life. I saw in my eyes that look containing both love and sadness, a longing for being something different, something more. These were not Chris’s eyes though; these were my eyes staring at me.
Although I was very focused on succeeding in law school, I was numbing the loss of my mom who had passed from leukemia a couple years earlier when I was a senior in college. So when I looked in the mirror that night and saw Chris’s eyes, what I saw was the love and sadness I had seen in him. I was filled with love and excitement for the future I was creating, but sad for the loss I had suffered without fully processing it.
For years after first seeing Chris’s sad bloodshot eyes, when I would see myself in the mirror, I often saw that look of longing. Just working as a lawyer and then business owner running around frenetically for years, I was not properly sharing the light that was inside me. I was not living as my true self, who was meant to inspire others.
This is not to say that I saw myself with disdain or saw sad eyes whenever I looked in the mirror, but I did not see pure love and light each time I looked in the mirror. As many of us do, most days, I saw myself with judgement and simply saw someone shaving, amped up for the day and rushing to get out the door to work on time.
But that moment when I saw light in the mirror everything changed.
A few years ago, after listening to The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer, I was seeing everything positively and differently. Dyer was one of the best-selling personal development authors of all time. He profoundly said and it stuck with me, that “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
In the Power of Intention, one practice Dyer advises is to “look into a mirror, make eye contact with yourself, and say ‘I love me’ as many times as possible during the day.” So, I tried this. Yes, it felt weird at first. I was always a happy loving person, but like most of us, I also harbored self-doubt and was critical of myself. So when I looked in the mirror, I did not just see love.
I gave it a shot and started saying “I love you,” in the mirror. After a while, it did not feel so awkward. It felt natural, warm and heartfelt. Saying “I love you” in the mirror each morning allowed me to see love in everyone and everything.
When you start saying “I love you” in the mirror, you are permanently changing the way you look at yourself and how you live your life. As you change the way you look at yourself, you actually start to change. You do the things that a person of pure love does for yourself and others. You have the things that a person of pure love has, including joy, a constant smile, positive engaging attitude, success and happiness.
Once I started doing this daily, I knew it was the start of a new path for my life. I was floating in joy and bliss. I was returning to my natural state of love. The state we are all meant to be in, but we remove ourselves with the false beliefs of modern society that we are taught to impose on ourselves.
Being in a blissful state is how we are meant to live. Yes, we must go about our daily lives and continue to play the roles we have set up for ourselves, but we can redefine how we play those roles.
Instead of being a father or mother who is stressed and distracted, you can be a father or mother who is loving, peaceful and present.
Instead of feeling like you can never get it all done at work, you can select your top priority and focus solely on that with joy until it is done.
You can get off the endless phone scrolling and live in the present doing what you love. You do not have to go sit on a mountaintop in meditation to experience pure nirvana. It is here now for you to enjoy today. Just look in the mirror and say “I love you.”
It’s been 5 years since I started saying “I love you” in the mirror, and what do I see in the mirror now?
I see love.
I see a happy, strong and confident person dedicated to his higher power, family and helping others.
I see my eyes light up as I say “I love you;” and
I see the wrinkles around my eyes from smiling.
But I don’t see these wrinkles as getting older, I see the joy from my kids that is making my face get stuck in a smile. You see, this is not ego love in the mirror, it is soul love in the mirror. It is the love that allows you to go out and see love in everyone and in every situation.
Be who you are meant to be by seeing love in the mirror
Starting the day by seeing love in the mirror is foundational to how each day unfolds. When we open our eyes each morning, we reform our conception of ourselves based on our thoughts and we form our intention for each day. That first look in the mirror can be the basis for a happy and successful day and form the thoughts that produce the actions you take and the words that are received by other people. You can see others with disdain, indifference or complete love. It is your choice.
Our perception of others is really just a reflection of what we see in the mirror. So if you want to make the world a happier place, just start by seeing yourself with love in the mirror.
Do you see sad longing eyes or do you see a happy fulfilled person?
Do you see pain and disappointment, or do you see strength and possibility?
No one else can create the image of yourself. While we convince ourselves that others input matters and forms our conception of ourselves, the truth is no one else ever thinks about what you see in the mirror or how you view yourself. That is up to you.
Who you are and what you see is your decision. Who you see in the mirror is your choice. You have the freedom to create the person you see in the mirror in any way you want. You may as well listen to the still small voice from within and see the person you are meant to be. See the Light in the Mirror.
This is the first of a series of articles about how to live a life of happiness and bliss by seeing Light in the Mirror. The articles are excerpts from the book Light in the Mirror by Ben Parvey, author, inspirational speaker and energy transition leader as CEO of BlueSky Power.
